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To save her in ME1, rescue her on Virmire, not Kaidan. In ME3, many decisions and actions factor into whether you can get her on your side when the time comes:

  • Your attitude towards her concerns on Mars
  • Whether or not you visit her in the hospital, and your attitude towards her during those visits
  • If you romanced Ashley in ME1, whether you not romanced someone else in ME2
  • If you did romance someone else in ME2, whether you are apologetic, honest, or attempted to lie when Ashley confronts you about it
  • Saving or sacrificing the Council in ME1
  • Destroying or preserving the Collector base in ME2
  • Whether or not the salarian Councilor is killed by Kai Leng in your first encounter with him

All of these things affect the difficulty of the relevant Reputation check, and even if said Reputation check is required. Terminator-HIX

  • Buying her a gift when she's in the hospital also counts in her favour, right? Did anyone ever figure out why there are about a half dozen options (flowers, candy, a couple different poetry books) for Ashley and only one (whisky) for Kaidan? Do they all help the same, or do some help more than others?
  • Some gifts do help more than others; the flowers and candy don't boost intimacy at all. The gift she responds most positively to is The Collected Alfred Tennyson (a little call back to her conversations about poetry in ME1), so that should be your gift of choice; anything else is, to put it bluntly, a waste of credits. It's not strictly necessary, but it is a good nudge in the right direction. Terminator-HIX

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